George Bartusek, 51, was sentenced to six months probation after engaging in a lewd act with two blow-up dolls in the parking lot of a Publix market.

“As I walk by I saw this guy with two blow up dolls kissing them and bouncing them and trying to get people’s attention,” a woman who said she witnessed the incident told WPDB-TV. [Cape Coral, FL]

Bartusek will have to shop in another supermarket for groceries, as the judge barred him and his rubber companions from returning to the scene of the crime.

The Kirklees (West Yorkshire, England) Environmental Health department cited farmer Ronald Norcliffe, 65, for inadequate lighting in his barn, which inspectors said failed to meet the “psychological needs” of his one cow and her calf.

In his formal appeal, heard in October, Norcliffe noted (unsuccessfully) that he has had a clean record as a farmer for 30 years and that in fact, he still lives fine without electricity in his own house.

After his defeat, Norcliffe’s lawyer sighed. “I still have no idea how much lighting is appropriate for a cow.” [Daily Telegraph]