Of .50 that is… and I want to know who I can write a letter of complaint to.

The other night D and I were out at a local pizza joint. In the entry way there was a bank of gumball machines and one of them caught my eye. It touted not gum but DISGUISES!! The colorful picture on the front said “Be a Master of Disguises” and showed the several pieces that were available including a fake mustache, tiny beard, side burns, bushy eyebrows and a fake mole. The sign demonstrated all the different looks you could achieve by using this awesome stuff and I knew I had to own it for myself.

(this isnt the exact sign but you get the idea..)

We were seated and ordered pizza but I couldn’t keep my mind off the disguise kit. I imagined myself wearing it to grocery shop… perhaps I would get better cuts of meat from the butcher when he didnt know it was me? Might I be able to read the trashy tabloids without fear of running in to someone I knew? The deal was sealed however when while we were eating our pizza, the boy from the booth behind us peeked around the corner and amazingly.. he was WEARING ALL THOSE PIECES! I was sold.

I insisted D produce the needed .50 immediately and I rushed to the front to purchase my disguise kit. Out popped a little plastic container which was somewhat concerning to me because it was so small. You can imagine my surprise and disdain when I opened it.

I think I shall sue for false advertising! No where (except maybe in teeny tiny fine print at the very bottom of the sign) did it say ANYTHING about each piece being sold separately! What the HELL! Not only that, but I ended up with the WORST piece, the dumb fake mole! No mustache, no beard… two TINY LITTLE STICK ON DOTS.

DOTS.

DOTS is what I got. DOTS.

I give them credit for hiring the little boy to parade around the restaurant hawking their rip off disguise kit but knowing he was in cahoots with them made me even more angry. D practically had to drag me out of the pizza shop before I made a scene.

This isn’t just false or misleading advertising.. its more than that! Its a SYMBOL OF ALL THAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD. Injustice.

Unfairness. SHAM. I did look up the company whose name was printed on the package, thinking to make a phone call and of course, they are in China, as the package stated. I am fairly confident that they would have no interest in a call from me. I am keeping the little plastic egg on my desk WITH the moles in it as a stark reminder.