Tipsy (or more) Blogging Iron Chef

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Iron Chef is on! One of the old ones and while I know its Tivo-ing and Im tired, we simply must stay up and watch!! Yes, we must! We must!

This episode is Battle Uni (Sea Urchin Roe) …. (ugh) (blech.) (ewww.) (really???)

And I present to you a heaping platter of Uni.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You will be happy to know that Im blogging with a really fine Cabernet tonight which makes the fact that the secret ingredient is URCHIN EGGS almost ok with me, but not quite. To accompany this: Murphy-Goode Cabernet Sauvignon 2006, about twenty bucks and WELL worth it!

Second glass.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The scene opens with our lovely secret ingredient delivered in baskets looking like some very, very old liver. They also offered up some whole (?) sea urchin(s) which are kind of cool looking black spiky beings but difficult apparently to get the goodies out of. So we watch various cracking methods to the delight of the audience. (yucky yellow stuff is the Uni)

Ive posted this before while watching Iron Chef but I have to say again that they always have one female judge who is purely eye candy and its obvious that the male judges view her with disdain. Her comments mostly are about how “yucky” the Uni looks while they are mixing it up and she giggles and covers her mouth.
She assures us that she does have a passion for Uni though and its a good thing as it looks like we will have dozens of tasty roe dishes prepared before its all said and done.

The only other time they have a female judge is that really old lady who is always grouchy and has a mustache and follows every comment or criticism with: “mmhmmmm.. yes…..” while pointing her chopsticks at the camera. You know the one.

What ever. I pulled this photo off Flickr just to give an example. Try to keep up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3rd glass of wine.

YES. I added this because I simply couldn’t look at Uni ONE MORE TIME and for the love of all that is holy, doesn’t THIS look good?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next….Uni wrapped in fragrant lettuce leaves with some avocado and getting ready to be steamed Im guessing. Ive decided Id eat the greens and toss the nasty egg stuff by secretly pretending to love it and then feigning a delicate, lady-like cough to spit it into my napkin for discarding later. Sadly, there is no where on that plate to hide the yucky stuff.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Question: Am I the only one who ever wonders how in the HELL some of these items are discovered for the first time? Who cracked open that spiky thing and realized that the eggs tasted awesome? How did the finder convince anyone else to taste it? Was he trapped in an ocean cave and sea urchin was the only thing he had? These are the things I ponder.

Now we have a sea urchin salt crusted grill… so he buries those lettuce wrapped “unis” (?)   in a heavy salt crust and bakes it telling us that it will enhance the flavors of  the …. uhhhh stuff.

Here is where I get concerned. An Uni pizza. This bothers me for so many reasons I cant even list them all. Even though Im finishing an entire bottle of wine, Im still worried which means its serious now. 

Hes covering some sort of lovely crust in lumps of tofu and plenty of fat juicy URCHIN EGGS, and finally adding a flourish of some odd looking fresh herb… “for color.” Indeed.

Dicing up some abalone which is a shellfish but looks to me like a giant mushroom.

Then we see a big pan of a whopping dose of urchin egg…. sort of bundles, looks like the slices of abalone are going on the top and baked in some sort of dreadful immitation of tuna casserole. 

Ok so this shows that while Im a trained chef, Im completely befuddled by some Asian food items.

A wok with scallions, rice wine, sharkfin and broth.. This, Im thinking I could eat. Until he dumps in the unattractive lumps of urchin eggs. Oh yes, the secret ingredient. Blahhh.

If you too are watching, get over the fact that Im skipping parts. Im giving you the highlights according to ME AND MY fine cabernet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahhhhh battered Uni….. fritters?? Well, its chunks of Uni, lightly battered and deep fried. Id say that was indeed a fritter though not one any proud southerner would touch if he had any idea what the HELL was inside it.

4th glass of Cab.

Ive moved on from the actual show and am now easily imagining myself as a judge on Iron Chef. Could I dress as a Geisha? Would I have to cover my mouth and giggle a lot or could I play the grouchy older woman with the mustache? Which would I prefer? Hmmm.. details. Never mind.

What would they do if I was sitting up there on the judging stand and refused to eat anything they brought me?

Iron Chef: I present…. salt crusted Uni!

Me: Errrmm.. Ill pass, but thank you just the same.

Iron Chef: My masterpiece! Uni Pizza with Tofu!!

Me: Holyshit that looks amazing but…. no.

Iron Chef: FRITTERS FOR GODSAKE!!

Me: (here is where I take my chopsticks and put them in my mouth like walrus tusks) and mumble.. mmmm… nnooo… ffrrankkssss…..

Probably my last invite to Iron Chef?

Bahhh.

G’nite.