Adventures in grocery shopping

Im buying mushrooms, standing next to a lady who has a sort of glazed look on her face, staring at all the varieties with her mouth open. She looks at me and says, “What kind are these?” Pointing to the white button mushrooms. I said, “those are white button mushrooms” (as the sign was labeled). 

She says, “No, what KIND are they? You know like cremini or shiitake… like that…” I said, “Well, they are actually white, button. If you need shiitake or cremini, or even oyster mushrooms and Hen of the Woods, they are all there as well. Its quite a selection. White button mushrooms as well as portobello and cremini are all part of the agricus bisporus species in fact but the name for the variety on those is white, button.” 

Thinking she would be quite impressed with my quick response and oddly in depth knowledge of fungi, I smiled helpfully. She stares at me, unblinking for an uncomfortable amount of time before frowning and calling over the produce guy. 

He comes up and she says, “Im simply trying to find out the name of these mushrooms right here. What kind are they?” “Those are white, button mushrooms, Ma’am. Oh yes indeedy, they are.

People who are different from us

George Bartusek, 51, was sentenced to six months probation after engaging in a lewd act with two blow-up dolls in the parking lot of a Publix market.

“As I walk by I saw this guy with two blow up dolls kissing them and bouncing them and trying to get people’s attention,” a woman who said she witnessed the incident told WPDB-TV. [Cape Coral, FL]

Bartusek will have to shop in another supermarket for groceries, as the judge barred him and his rubber companions from returning to the scene of the crime.

The Kirklees (West Yorkshire, England) Environmental Health department cited farmer Ronald Norcliffe, 65, for inadequate lighting in his barn, which inspectors said failed to meet the “psychological needs” of his one cow and her calf.

In his formal appeal, heard in October, Norcliffe noted (unsuccessfully) that he has had a clean record as a farmer for 30 years and that in fact, he still lives fine without electricity in his own house.

After his defeat, Norcliffe’s lawyer sighed. “I still have no idea how much lighting is appropriate for a cow.” [Daily Telegraph]