While waiting in line at the checkout I perused the magazine covers and amid the headlines about Bat Boy impregnating Michelle Obama and Brad and Jen’s secret love calls, I saw what used to be my holiest of all guilty pleasures.. Cosmopolitan Magazine. I dont remember when I stopped reading it but after seeing the cover, I had an idea of why. Lets take a gander, shall we?

First headline- 10 Most Glamorous Places To Do Yoga. Really? I dont find yoga glamorous in the least nor would I want to find a glamorous place to do it, were I silly enough (or flexible enough) to do it. Isn’t it supposed to be sort of exercise?

Next headline- PROBLEM SOLVED! Our experts pick your best lip-gloss. This one concerned me a little as I hadnt realized there WAS in fact a problem, so YES indeedy it got me thinking. Of course, that led me to thinking there were actually people on the staff at Cosmo whose job is being a lip-gloss selection expert, solving all those pressing gloss issues. How do I get this job? Huh.

Three smaller headlines- “Get Lillie’s Red Carpet Look NOW!” (Why now, as opposed to later I wondered) and “32 Vegan Soups for Spring” …. Now they were losing me… “Editors Choice for THE Spring Toe Nail Color!”

But I couldn’t turn away without reading the largest one, in bold red letters that screamed: “How to Touch A Naked Man”. Indeed.

Here is how my mind works… First, if one has never touched a naked man, would Cosmo be the journal of choice to seek such information? Would a woman in line with her groceries like me, see that headline and think- “Holy crap! I must purchase this magazine since I was just this very evening planning to touch my first naked man.” I assume Cosmo believes they are doing a public service here.

Do some women grab for their cell phones to place urgent, whispered calls to their BFF’s that we now have a definitive guide for such touching?

Even more interesting to me was the thought that they very likely also have people whose job it is to practice this and get needed data and feedback before penning such an important article.